someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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