I have demons in me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
