I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
