I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your penis caused this!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
