Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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