Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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