I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
