in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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