Pregnant stripper...not hot.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
