so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think my fart just growled at me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
