I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
