he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
