Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
