He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
