i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
