Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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