i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
