Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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