I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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