I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
