If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We need to rekindle our bromance
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
