My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
