yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
