Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
