You made me cry and you don't even care
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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