God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
