I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
