We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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