Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
