Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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