I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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