Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
