Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
