i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
