If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
