Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
