I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
