"it" just moved
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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