I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The Olympian is in my bed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
