you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
