I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
