i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
