Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
