____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
