i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
