I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
