Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
