Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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