This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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