Where is the hickey?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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