You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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